I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Sober January is a disaster.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize