normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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