You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
