OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
