Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
