my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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