does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
