Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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