your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize