You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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