Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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