Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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