OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
