Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
