i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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