Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
