If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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