I skipped work to stalk him.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize