C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
