her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
ok first of all what the fuck
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
