I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
