I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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