1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize