My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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