hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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