Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
