I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
