so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
