You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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