Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
