Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
jump out the window naked night went bad
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
