You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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