I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
