the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
