i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
