It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
