drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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