Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
