I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Congratulations! We have a period
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