dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
