you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
