Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
