The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
