i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
