Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
