I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
