Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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