I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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