I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
