They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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