girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
