the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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