I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize