fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
