The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize