good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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