I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
