u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize