If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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