The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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