At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
