Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
