Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
So vagazzling was a success
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
