If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
