What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
