Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
