I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
