I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
