we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
