Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
