So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
