he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize