He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
