I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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