i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
