you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm at about main and main street
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
