found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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