Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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