Cold hands, warm shart.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
