She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
