Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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