this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Drunk is a universal language darling
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
