No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
