Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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