"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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