You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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